Grief Turned to Determination Part 2

After my father died, I had one of those moments of clarity. I knew something had to change. I was 253 lbs. when I gave birth to Bookie and I didn't want to be the fat mom. I wanted to have the energy to play with my kids and run around. I wanted to model healthy behavior for them. I wanted to be confident and demonstrate that to them so they would be too.

I knew the statistics. Fat mom equals fat kids and then fat adults. People who are obese tend to make less money, are less likely to graduate from college, are found less attractive by the opposite sex (which also contributes to workplace discrimination, etc.) I didn't want that for my kids. The cycle could end with me. But how? Yeah, yeah...diet and exercise...I know...I've heard it all before. It had never worked for me before. I felt helpless, but I knew I had to do something.

So I decided to start walking with the baby and see if I could lose 5 lbs. Seriously, just 5 lbs. I just decided and then a couple moments later I was out the door walking with my son. Just like that. There wasn't alot of thought or planning that went into it. I just made a decision and then acted.

I started getting out everyday walking. (I have a condition called Hip Displecia, which means that the joints in my hips are not normal. I can pop my hip bones out of socket without pain, but that also means I have less cartridge in my hips than normal people do. My mother has the same thing and had to have her hips replaced at 50.) At that time, my hips bothered me alot when I walked. But I discovered that when I walked for more than five minutes the pain would go away. Then I started walking twice a day with my son and looking forward to it. It was nice to get out and I make friends easily, so I would meet people around the complex with kids.

The walking became a habit. And I really think that is what helped. The habits I created were small and doable and fit into my schedule. And they didn't disrupt my family. But as soon as those habits became too easy, I challenged myself with something else. I really thought about baby steps. Just doing a little at a time because I knew if I tried some crazy workout I would fail. I got used to the walking everyday twice a day. I got used to moving my body. The walking got easier and I lost about 6 lbs, which was above and beyond what I thought would happen. So I decided to keep going. I joined Curves and went 2-3 times per week at night when my husband came home. They weighed and measured me there.

These were my very first steps...the beginning of a 104 lbs. weight loss. Here is a picture of me at about that time. See how I'm hiding behind my son. That was typical. I was always hiding behind something or taking the pictures.


Here I am in the pool. Yeah, swimming wasn't fun. And I would only swim at my in-laws.


And here I am at my son's baptism party. As you can see, I loved black.

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